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I Got Married... Again, to Myself

self love Jun 06, 2022

By Vanessa Velez-Panzella

A few weeks ago, I had the honor of attending Vocal Odyssey- an online gathering of over 300 women coming together to reclaim our voices! It was truly a transformative experience. There’s something magical about tapping into your voice and allowing it to flow.

On the second day of our journey, we were invited to adorn ourselves (with clothing, jewelry, makeup, or whatever we felt called to) and write vows to ourselves. We held a ceremony in which we declared these vows to ourselves with other women as our witnesses. It was such a powerful experience! 

I have to admit that when I thought about writing my vows, I felt a little apprehensive. Something about making promises to myself felt big- almost too big! Thinking about it now, I believe it all comes down to worthiness. It’s almost as if others are more worthy of my commitment than I am. When looking back at my habits, I realized how often I’ve put the needs of others before my own. I’ve considered their time a lot more valuable than my own. This has often led to resentment and frustration- especially when I felt others weren’t doing the same for me.
As I sat down to write my vows, I began to think about what I would want for my childhood self. It was like I was going back in time and setting intentions for myself. Sometimes, we struggle to see our own worthiness in the moment because we judge ourselves for the choices we have made. By making these vows to my inner child, I was able to tap into my inherent worthiness.
When I told Danny about it, he jokingly asked if my personal vows now took precedence over our marriage vows. I thought about it for a moment and told him “Yes, they absolutely do.” I explained that these vows to myself are meant to honor my true self- who I really am before all of the trauma, defense mechanisms, and masks I’ve adopted over time. The more I honor these vows, the more I can embody my true essence. This allows me to show up more wholly in our relationship and he gets to experience the truest version of me as a result.

In one of our most recent Sovereign Lovers Couple’s Circle, we invited the participants to also write vows to themselves. It was beautiful to hear what some of them had written and what they were choosing to honor in themselves. In some ways, I think this exercise allows us to give a voice to that inner child, our true selves, and ask what it really wants/needs. Since writing my vows, I’ve had these commitments more present in my mind and I really am striving to honor them as much as possible- because I am worthy of them.

You can read my vows to myself below, and I invite you to take some time with yourself, create a sacred space, and write some vows to yourself. What does the truest version of you want or need? I hope you are able to hear its voice and honor it, because you are worthy.
  •  I vow to honor myself by caring for my body with love and intention.

  • I vow to be a clear vessel for my higher self by choosing to listen and honor my inner voice.

  • I vow to honor my intuition by checking in with myself often, so that I can truly embody my yeses and noes.

  • I vow to take up space and allow myself to be seen.

  • I vow to remind myself on a daily basis that I am always worthy.




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